Nothing hurts more than finding out that your spouse who promised to stand by you through thick and thin is cheating on you. You feel devastated, used, insignificant and you just can’t understand what made them do it. You probably need some closure for everything to make sense to you. Therefore, knowing the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse can be a good start.
Maybe you are one of those who believe that a marriage doesn’t have to end over cheating. Thus, asking these questions may just be the only chance for saving your marriage. You probably want to know what was going through your spouse’s when they cheated on you. Or you are just desperately trying to find some sense in all the senselessness. And to give yourself reasons to forgive them.
Knowing the answers to the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse can help you decide if you need a divorce or not.
It is normal to feel a flurry of emotions. However, it is critical to take control of your emotions and decide what to do next. Here are 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse:
10 Questions To Ask Your Unfaithful Spouse
1. What Made You Do It?
You know that finding out why they cheated on you may not make you feel better still you have that strong desire to know. Do they believe that the problem is from you or them?
Is your spouse finding it hard to be in a committed relationship? Was it lack of attention or love in your marriage that led to their cheating?
This is probably the first of the 10 questions to ask your cheating spouse. This is because you want to know the reason behind their cheating. However, you need to remember that no answer can justify cheating.
If your spouse has a problem with your marriage, they should discuss it with you rather than using it as an excuse to cheat on you.
They’d probably come up with convincing answers as to why they did it. But what matters most is not why they did it, but whether you are willing to forgive them and whether they are willing to change.
2. Did You Think About How It Would Affect Me?
This is definitely one of the important 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse. Of course, if they truly loved or cared for you as much as they claimed, they would not have cheated on you.
However, you want to know if for a second they thought of how you would feel when you found out. It may hurt even more to discover that they were more concerned with their pleasure than with your pain.
Now, you don’t even know if you should trust your partner’s answers since they could do something so hurtful to it. However, you know now that they don’t care about you as much as they made you believe.
Yes, people do have weak moments and make mistakes. But what holds someone back from hurting or cheating on their spouse is the respect or love they have for them.
You really need to ask this question if you need to find some closure.
3. How Long Has It Been Going on?
Finding out how long your spouse has been unfaithful to you can let you know if it was a one-time mistake or a continuous affair. The answer to this can help to determine whether there is still hope for your marriage.
Can you forgive them if they have been cheating and lying to you for many years? Can you really get over all those times they lied to you and made you look like a fool?
Of course, this is solely your decision to make. But then again you need to know how long the affair has been going on to decide your next move.
Most people are willing to forgive a one-time affair, but not if it has lasted a long time. Thus, you should add this to the top 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse.
4. Is It Over? ( 10 Questions to ask your unfaithful spouse)
Now that you have figured out how long the affair lasted, you need to know if it is truly over. Your cheating spouse will most likely tell you that the affair is over, but you need to be certain.
You need to know that even after asking you for forgiveness, your spouse will not continue to lie and cheat on you behind your back.
Therefore, you need to be sure your spouse has ended it with their lover and also deleted their numbers. You also need access to their phone to confirm that it is truly over.
This is the time for honesty and transparency in your marriage.
5. Do You Regret Being Caught?
Of course, you want to know if they can be truly honest with you. If they can be sincere in their responses, it means they are truly sorry and ready to change for the better.
While some cheaters regret their actions, others are unlikely to. And the only way to be certain is by adding this question to the 10 questions to ask your cheating spouse. Listen to what they have to say when they say they don’t regret being caught.
Are they only saying it because they have been caught or do they really mean it? Do they really feel guilty for what they have done?
Well, find out why they do not regret being caught or why they do. And why they continued to cheat even though they knew they would be caught.
No answer can justify what they did to you but maybe you love them enough to give them a second chance. And this is why you are desperately looking for reasons to forgive them.
6. Are You Truly Sorry?
While some cheaters may be sorry for hurting you others will probably look for reasons to justify their wrongs. They may blame it on you, your marriage, or anything other than themselves. This is how to know they are not remorseful for what they did.
Someone sorry wouldn’t look for excuses but will be genuinely sorry and also willing to change. Now, it is left for you to find out whether their apology is just a ruse or a genuine one.
Therefore, you shouldn’t forget to add this as one of the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse.
7. Did You Fall In Love?
Your head is probably racing with questions but you need to ask the most important questions first. This is the next question to add to your top 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse.
Some people are willing to forgive if the affair was just a fling. However, when romantic feelings are involved, it becomes more complicated. This could mean that your spouse has found someone else and that your marriage is over. Or it could simply mean that no matter what, your spouse will never truly get over the affair.
Thus, you need to know if they were in love or if it was just a fling.
8. Are You Changed For Real?
Finding out if your partner is sorry or remorseful is not enough. You need to know for sure that this wouldn’t happen again. You don’t want to be in a marriage where you are constantly treated with disrespect. Thus, you need to know for sure that your partner is truly a changed person.
But saying they are changed is not enough. Their behaviors can go a long way to determine if they have truly changed. Do they still keep late nights? Or hide their phones? Take secret calls or act suspiciously?
This one question is one of the top questions to ask your unfaithful spouse to know if there’s still hope for your marriage.
9. How Would You Feel If I Did The Same?
With how devasted you feel it’s only normal to add this question to your top 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse. Now, you want them to walk in your shoes and feel your pain.
Find out how they would feel if you had been the one who cheated on them. Now, they have an idea of how horrible and heartbroken you feel. This could also serve as a warning to them not to take your feelings for granted anymore.
Because no one has the monopoly to cheat and hurt the other person.
Anybody can cheat, you just chose not to, because of the respect you have for your spouse.
10. Do You Think You Deserve My Forgiveness?
This is another important question to add to your list of 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse. Now, find out if they think they deserve to be forgiven. This is how you will find out if they are truly proud of what they did or not.
Someone who is truly sorry will know that they do not deserve your forgiveness. Because marriage is something sacred and not a joke, they would be too ashamed to press you to forgive them. It doesn’t mean they are not sorry, it only means they are ashamed of what they did.
While someone who isn’t remorseful would want you to see it as just a mistake and just let it go.
Of course, they don’t deserve your forgiveness just yet. You need time to process your feelings and decide with a clear head what to do next. https://www.yourtango.com/experts/infidelity-healing/14-signs-its-safe-forgive-your-partner-cheating
Now that you know what questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, don’t hesitate to ask them. Confront them because you deserve to know why they chose to hurt you despite claiming to love you.
Maybe, you can forgive them now you know the answers to the questions you asked them or maybe not. It’s all up to you.